


Betrayal

by bjfic_archivist



Category: Queer as Folk (US)
Genre: Alternate Universe, Angst, Future, Het, M/M, Unsafe Sex, Work In Progress
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2008-10-06
Updated: 2009-03-08
Packaged: 2018-12-26 23:23:18
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 5
Words: 8,133
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12069060
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/bjfic_archivist/pseuds/bjfic_archivist
Summary: Coming home isn’t always all it’s cracked up to be, especially when you find the people you love the most have betrayed you.Written because of a convo withanglluvr





	1. The Ultimate Betrayal

**Author's Note:**

> Note from IrishCaelan, the archivist: this story was originally archived at [The Brian/Justin Fanfiction Archive](http://fanlore.org/wiki/Brian_Justin_Fanfiction_Archive). To preserve the archive, I began importing its works to the AO3 as an Open Doors-approved project in September 2017. I posted announcements, but may not have reached everyone. If you are (or know) this creator, please contact me using the e-mail address on [The Brian/Justin Fanfiction Archive collection profile](http://archiveofourown.org/collections/bjfic/profile).

 

It was nearing morning when Justin turned the key to enter the loft. His blond hair a little lank for lack of sleep and the clothes covering his trim frame wrinkled beyond recognition from the seemingly endless plane ride. The weariness the young man felt was very easily read in his bloodshot eyes but also in those eyes if one were to look close enough the would see an excitement he couldn’t hide at the thought of seeing his lover after so long. 

Justin made it in the loft and was removing his clothes on the way to the bedroom thinking about how long it had been since he had been back from New York to see his hazel-eyed lover when the disarray of the loft caught his attention. There were bottles of beer and alcohol as well as over turned furniture and other debris everywhere he looked.

The blond shook his head and steeled himself to find the love of his life with a trick or more then one, in bed. He had never really got to the point where he was totally okay with Brian being with other people but he accepted that was the way that the older man was and there was nothing he could do to change that. So Justin just shook his head and stop removing articles of clothes but didn’t stop making his way to the bedroom.

When the blue-eyed angel made it to the room the first thing he saw was Brian, completely debauched looking as always like a sex god. The man’s olive colored skin shone an eerily erotic way and made Justin’s tongue itch to lick at under those blue lights as he had done countless times before. The other man’s lashes, which the blond had always noticed because they were really long for a man, rested on the brunet’s sculptured cheekbones in a deep sleep that Brian only ever achieved when he was completely out of his mind drunk. Of course, it also happened when Justin had totally worn the older man out, which even with a twelve-year age difference had never been easy.

Justin shook his head out of his musings before he grabbed a sketchbook and couldn’t help drawing his favorite subject, in truth his muse. After he had cleared his mind the blond spared a glance at the lump mad by the trick he was about to kick out. Not only because he wanted to sleep next to his lover but also because he knew Brian wouldn’t be happy if he woke up and learned that he had passed out before kicking the trick to the curb. 

The trick was fully wrapped up in the duvet and the only thing showing was the very top of his head, a very curly brown mop. The lump the trick made was small and Justin wondered for a second at Brian chose of a twink but shook it off. Not really caring because although he wished that Brian didn’t trick sometimes he knew that none of them meant anything in the grand scheme of things. Brian never even knew their names so they couldn’t cause them any problem.

The blond was once again hit by his fatigue so he decided to quietly wake up the trick and kick him out without waking Brian. He knew if the other man woke up he would want the reunion Justin wanted just as badly but the younger man knew that he wasn’t up to it so he figured he would postpone it until the morning. 

“Hey.” Justin said softly, pushing on the shoulder of the man he figured he’d never know the name of.

The body didn’t wake up but moved slightly at the push, the movement uncovering just a little more of the head of hair that the blond could see before. The young man drew himself up when he caught sight of the full expansive of the hair.

The curly brown that he had seen earlier was now revealed in all it’s glory and Justin realized that it wasn’t as short as he had first thought, in fact it was extremely long. Something in the bond’s heart clenched and even though that same something told Justin to go now further he couldn’t stop himself and he bent over and gave another, slightly harder shove to the lump’s shoulder.

This time as well as movement the lump gave a moan of protest but Justin barely heard it as all of the hair came into view. As it did the blond admitted to himself what his heart had already known, the hair belonged to a woman but something else came alone with this realization. The young man realized he knew this head of hair.

“Daphne?!?” Justin murmured almost inaudibly as his hand, without any direction from him it seemed, reached forward and quickly pulled the duvet back, revealing his worst nightmare come true, not that he had ever before this moment thought about this possibility.

“What?”

“Huh?”

“What the fuck?” and several other protests were voiced by the confused occupants of the bed as the warm duvet was ripped off, exposing their naked bodies to the cold air of the loft. That was until they caught sight of each other, the night rushed back to them, and then in the next instant they locked eyes on a furious blond.

“I…ummm…Justin…” stammered out Daphne in the face of her best friend’s justifiable anger.

“Jus…I…” Brian started but also couldn’t make a coherent thought in the face of the damning evidence and his lover’s rage and pain that was only too apparent on the blond’s face.

The blond made no sound, no move for what seemed to the other two to be an eternity before turning just as silently and walking away. As soon as he started to move the bedmates jumped up, only taking the time to throw on clothes before going after him because they were sure seeing them naked again would make matters worse.

“Justin?!?” Brian called out, stopping the blond who was bending down to get his bag, his clothing already straightened.

“What?” the younger man said in an ice-cold voice after having retrieved his bags from the position.

“I’m so sorry.” Daphne pleaded to her best friend’s back.

“We were just drunk, it didn’t mean anything.” Brian explained, hating even now that he had to explain his actions but knowing that he did, knowing that what had happened the night before was the most wrong thing that he had ever done to his relationship with the blond.

“Didn’t mean anything?” Justin shouted, spinning around so fast he startled the other occupants of the room. “So my fucking Partner, the man who was going to be my fucking Husband and my mother fucking best friend sleeping together, fucking doesn’t mean anything?” Justin screamed his face automatically taking on a bright red color.

“He didn’t mean it like that Justin, he…” Daphne started only to be cut off by an enraged bellow.

“You might want to shut the fuck up right now; I don’t want to hear a fucking word you have to say.”

“Justin don’t be mad at her like I said…” Brian defended, but just like his female counterpart in this event, he was cut off by the man they had hurt.

“Have I got an idea, you shut your hole too. I don’t want to hear anything from either of you.” At the end of that sentence Justin seemed to deflate and both Brian and Daphne watched him for a second but right when they were going to jump in, hoping that he would now let them talk the blond glanced at the door and then back at them with one more thing to say.

“I don’t want to hear anything either of you has to say again, I don’t want to SEE either of you EVER again.” This last remark was said sadly and before either of the other two could comprehend that statement, Justin slipped out the door as silently as he had come in.


	2. It's Over

  
Author's notes: Thanks to my Beta Judy and to all my readers for the reviews  


* * *

 

The two still in the loft were thunderstruck by how fast everything went so wrong. They had gotten so drunk the night before, Brian missing Justin and thinking that because the blond hadn’t been back for so long, the younger man had moved on. Daphne had needed her best friend because she had more problems with her current boyfriend. Since Justin wasn’t there, she had been going to Brian, as she had done the night before.

The two had turned to each other for comfort and by the end of the night the alcohol had clouded everything but the needs of their bodies. Now in the harsh light of morning, they both knew that they had made the biggest mistake of their lives. They knew that they had to find the blond before he had time to think, without them there telling him how sorry they were and making sure that he knew that they loved him. So they dressed quickly, their thoughts still whirling, and headed out to find him.

They were out of luck though, because as soon as Justin had left the building he had cut through alleys, knowing the streets in the area like the back of his hand from having lived there off and on for the last five years. He stopped when he got a few streets over, knowing that if Brian and Daphne bothered to try and follow him they would stick to roadways.

As soon as he stopped, he dialed a number that he had just dialed a few hours ago to take him from the airport. Only now he was calling it to bring him right back. He gave the taxi company a location a few streets over from the one he was on and hung up as soon as he heard their ten minute arrival time. He hurried to the destination for the taxi, not wanting to miss it or be confronted by anyone.

Just as Justin saw the taxi turn the corner he heard his name being screamed and tires squealing from the other end of the street. Justin knew the voice without a doubt. Since he was seventeen, it had been the only voice he heard in his dreams and the only one he really wanted to hear in his waking hours. And without looking the blond also knew that the squealing tires belonged to Daphne’s car. Justin didn’t want to deal with any of this right now and just prayed that the cabbie would get there first, even though he knew it wasn’t going to happen.

“Justin!” Brian’s voice called as he raced to him, his call echoed by a slamming door.

Justin just stood there, unwilling to run and miss his taxi or to acknowledge Brian’s plea. He listened as Brian’s footsteps got closer and another pair joined the running, but he still didn’t turn away from watching for the taxi, even when he felt a hand on his arm.

“Justin, please just talk to us…to me.” Brian said quietly from the blond’s right.

“How many ways can I say there’s nothing to say?” Justin asked as he heard Daphne racing up to them.

“There is so much to say, Justin. You have to understand that this was a mistake.” Daphne panted out.

“It was a drunken thing that had nothing to do with you.” Brian said, his voice getting a little impatient as he tried to cover his fear with anger.

“You’re right Brian; it has nothing to do with me.” Justin started, as out of the corner of his eye he saw Daphne hit Brian in the arm for that statement. She knew that nothing good would come out of that. “Anyway, it doesn’t matter. You can have each other. I’m leaving.”

“Leaving?” Daphne asked, knowing he didn’t just mean this street.

“Where are you going?” Brian inquired, realizing what he meant as well.

“I’m going back to New York. Obviously, I should have stayed there.” Justin answered quietly as the taxi finally pulled to a stop in front of him.

The cabbie got out and Justin wanted to cry from the irony when he realized it was the same one he had not an hour ago, but he said nothing, even as the cabbie asked if everything was alright, the look in his eyes saying he recognized Justin as well. The blond just shook his head and threw his bags in the trunk that the taxi driver opened automatically.

Justin heard the voices of the two people trying to stop him from leaving but he had closed himself off so much that he couldn’t understand a word. The more the time passed, the less he heard of the drone of Brian’s voice and he knew that the older man was giving up. Justin ignored all of it and reached for the door handle to get out of there but right as he was lowering himself into the car he felt a hand brush down his arm, onto his hand. The young man looked down and saw the brunet’s hand resting on top of his. He felt the longer fingers try to lace into his and for a moment he almost let him, let his lover offer him comfort by entwining their fingers.

Then in his mind’s eye, his artistic senses thought about how beautifully his fair skin contrasted with Brian’s olive skin. As soon as he thought that, in his mind his pale skin morphed into Daphne’s chocolate skin. He ripped his hand from Brian’s and threw himself in the car as the demented thought that the olive and the chocolate looked beautiful together ran through his mind.

Before anything more could be done or said, the blond slammed the door shut and begged the driver to get him out of there. The ride to the airport was made in silence, Justin not being able to force anything over his lips but where he was going. The cabbie, while concerned, had pretty much figured out what had happened. Although he was straight he felt bad for the young boy but he hadn’t known what to say. The taxi driver spent the entire ride sneaking glances at the brokenhearted boy in the backseat, wishing his wife was there because he knew she’d know just what to say to make things better. He had never been good at that kind of thing, so he stole worried looks at the boy in the backseat and prayed the kid would be alright.

The plane ride to New York wasn’t much different from the cab ride, although if you had asked Justin how he’d gotten from the cab to the plane, he wouldn’t have been able to explain. He wouldn’t have had any memory of the annoying ringing of his cell phone in the cab, walking into the airport, purchasing a ticket, or waiting for his flight. None of that registered. He was on autopilot and his only function was getting to New York. Beyond that, he had no idea.

The artist didn’t look back, figuratively or literally, as he moved further and further away from the only life he had ever known, the only life he had wanted to know, even though he wanted nothing more than to be able to. He wanted to be able to forget that this had ever happened and go back to the life he loved, but he knew he couldn’t do that, so he blanked it out of his mind. The only problem was that, with it gone, there was nothing left for anyone, not even himself.


	3. Fall Out

 

Justin rolled across his bed, casting his glance around his apartment. He hadn't moved since he had made it back to his apartment in New York, a place he had never wanted to have to be again. Justin had gone to Pittsburgh with the intention of going home, permanently, but now he had to face the fact that Pittsburgh couldn't be his home anymore.

He felt the tears start falling faster down his cheeks, not that they had ever stopped, at the thought that he no longer had a home. New York, while fun for a visit, wasn't the kind of place he could call home. But in the only place he had ever called home, he knew he wouldn't be able to look into any of the faces of the people he knew without remembering the betrayal. So, he would have to make a new home but he didn't think he was capable of it. All Justin wanted to do was stay in his bed forever.

Pittsburgh

The phone, when dialed, went straight to voice mail once again and Brian barely resisted the urge to fling it across the room. Every cell in his body was screaming at him to go to New York and try to make this right, but he knew Justin well enough to know that he couldn't back the man into a corner or he'd come out swinging and that was the last thing Brian wanted.

There was so much that Brian couldn't believe about this incident, not only had he slept with a woman, and Justin's best friend no less, but that it would be the moment Justin came home unannounced. In all the time Justin had lived in New York he hadn't once come home without telling Brian first and the first time he did, he came home to something Brian couldn't even fully believe himself that had happened.

Brian had never been attracted to woman, never, not even in college when he had been with Lindsay, and he wasn't in any way attracted to Daphne. But still, his pain and loneliness, with the addition of alcohol, had landed him in bed with her. He felt completely helpless as he glanced around the loft. It was still destroyed but he couldn't care less. Brian headed up to the bathroom on autopilot, ignoring his surroundings.

Coming out of the bathroom, Brian looked towards the bed, the place where he had ruined everything. As he looked he saw a condom on the floor, and mindlessly went to pick it up, wanting to get rid of the evidence of what had happened in this room the night before. When he picked it up he realized it was empty and there was only a very small puddle of cum on the floor underneath it. As his world started crumbling further, he prayed that he had only cum that much, but he knew better.

As the reality of the situation dawned on him, he wanted nothing more than to call his best friend, who had been Justin longer than anyone realized. However, he couldn't, because not only was Justin not talking to him, but this news would kill the blond. Brian threw the condom in the trash and looked at the phone, wondering about calling Daphne. He knew he should, but didn't know how. 'How do you tell you lover's best friend that, in a drunken fumble, you may have exposed her to something or...?' Brian's train of thought trailed off when another thought slammed into his brain like a sledgehammer.

"She could be pregnant," he gasped aloud, unable to contain the thought. Never in his life had he worried about that. When he had been involved with Lindsay, they had always been careful and, truthfully, he had been so young that he hadn't given it much thought. Now he was faced with the undeniable possibility that he could be a father, again.

It was different with Gus. He was agreeing to help Lindsay and Melanie and knew that he would have a limited role in his child's life. Even though it killed him when evidence of the fact that he wasn't Gus' real father was shoved in his face, he didn't know what to think about a child being born of this situation.

Brian's thoughts were whirling through his mind, too many to count, too fast to understand most of them. He pressed his fingers to his forehead, trying to calm his raging thoughts. The pressure did nothing to ease his mind and now the sight of every time he had ever seen Justin cry was flashing before his eyes. He knew that most of the pain Justin had felt in his life had been dealt by him. Then, the last words that Justin said to him and the tone of his voice as he was saying it, hit him, and he dropped to his knees. He didn't think he had the strength to keep himself up, and the next thing he knew he was curled into a ball on the floor.

Daphne's POV

Somehow, I manage to climb into my car after Justin leaves. My fingers grip the steering wheel, so tightly they ache, as I slam my head against it. I don't even register the pain to my forehead because nothing can diminish the agony that is consuming me. A feeling of desperation washes over me and I feel the hot bite of my tears as they start streaming down my face. My heart is in physical pain as the look in Justin's eyes flashes through my mind.

A sob builds in my chest like a tidal wave and burst forth with a scream I can't seem to stop. The tears pour down my cheeks, drenching my face, and instead of easing the pain, it only worsens.

'I can't believe I could do something so stupid. God, I feel so dirty. I have just broken my best friend's heart and I don't think he will ever forgive me. I have just lost the most important part of my life, the person who has always been there for me, right from the beginning. I could have done almost anything, but this I can't imagine him forgiving me this. I will never forgive myself. What am I going to do?'

As soon as I can calm myself, slightly, I turn the engine over and speed to my apartment, not wanting to think about how much pain I caused Justin. I definitely do not want to allow my mind to consider the consequences of that. I don't want to remember the look on my best friend's face or the sound of his voice, not to mention the words he flung at me.

I get to my apartment and scramble up the stairs as if someone is after me. I have a tightness in my chest and the unreasonable thought that if I can shut out the rest of the world then the pain I'm feeling would be locked out with it. I slam the door upon entering and as soon as I catch sight of the interior, a million memories flash before my eyes.

Flashback

Laughter swirled all around her, taunts on the color of her skin and every other mean thing a child can think of to call someone who is different. It was her first day of school here and already she wished that they had never moved to this place. She had noticed from the first moment that she walked into the school that the kids were looking at her weird, but it wasn't until recess that any of them said anything to her.

"You need to take a bath," the first child who had approached her said.

"Huh?" Daphne had replied, looking down at herself wondering what this boy was talking about.

"Your skins all dirty," the child answered with a sneer.

"No it's not," she answered, having looked down again, not understanding what the kid was getting at.

"Yeah, go away. My daddy says niggers should go back where they came from," another child had joined in.

"What?" she asked, this time her tone revealing anger as she finally understood what the children were getting at.

"Yeah, nappy head," a girl taunted.

Daphne stood her ground for a while, ignoring the others as much as she could, but they weren't letting up. After a while, she felt her eyes grow hot and knew that her tears were just waiting to get out. Just then, a new voice joined the fray.

"What are you guys doing?" the voice practically growled.

"None ya, Taylor," the boy who had been the first one to say something to her answered. He barely spared the new boy a glance as he continued picking on Daphne.

"Be nice, Johnson," Justin demanded.

"Shut up," the mean boy scowled and pushed Justin back.

The Johnson boy turned back to Daphne, not done with her, but before he could get another word out, he felt a hard shove to his back, pushing him face first into the ground. The fight commenced from there, and although Johnson was bigger, the Taylor boy held his own. It was only a few seconds later when a teacher ran over and broke up the fight, but Daphne knew she had found something important.

Daphne's POV

As this memory and other flow through me, I slam into the door and slide down to the floor with the overwhelming thought that I have just lost Justin, who is that important something.

New York

The phone started ringing again and Justin heaved a sigh. He didn't know why but each time it rang, he reached for it and checked the caller ID. Every time he checked the phone, it was Brian and he would just put it back down, but still he checked every time.

'Scott Bennett' the little screen read.

Justin crinkled his brow for a minute, in his state not remembering who that was. Then the named dawned on him and he heaved a sigh before answering.

"Hello," Justin said, trying to make his voice sound as normal as possible.

"Hey, Justin. This is Scott. I was calling because I got an offer on subletting your apartment for the duration of your lease."

Justin paused and looked around at his apartment. When he had gone to Pittsburg, he had thought that the only time he would see this place again was just to pick up the rest of his stuff, but now he didn't have another place to go. He couldn't go home, to Pittsburg. Although he knew that wasn't anymore, he couldn't stop his mind from thinking of it as home.

Now there was someone who wanted his apartment. Justin wasn't looking forward to telling Scott that he was staying and no longer required his services. He opened his mouth to say just that when the beep of another caller sounded in his ear. He pulled the phone away from his head and looked at the caller ID, not surprised to see Brian's number yet again.

Justin thought about what had happened and the tears started once again. He knew for some reason that, this time, Brian would not be content to be ignored. Justin wasn't sure how much time he had before his refusal to answer the phone resulted in Brian coming to New York, but he knew he couldn't deal with that happening.

"Justin?" he heard Scott ask through the line, the real estate agent sounding a little worried at his silence.

Justin knew he had to make a decision and he had to make it now. Would he be able to make it if Brian showed up? Would he be able to tell the man he loved so much to go away, again? He knew he couldn't forgive Brian, but if faced once again with the reality of his lover would he be able to say no?

All he had wanted since he was seventeen was the hazel-eyed man and now he knew that he couldn't ever look into his face and still hold his ground.

"Okay, Scott. When does the person want to move in?"


	4. Consequences

 

 

Justin blinked his eyes against the beaming sun as he stepped out of the airport. He remembered California being bright, but nothing like this. He shook his head slowly, not having the energy to give it anymore thought. When his real-estate agent had called to say that he had found someone to take over his lease, Justin hadn’t known what he was going to do or even where he was going to go; he just knew that he had to get far away. For a few moments he had contemplated going to Europe, it was every artist’s aspiration, after all. However, the dilemma with that was that he hadn’t actually had it in him to deal with all the stuff that would come with moving out of the country, not to mention the fact that his mother had his passport and he didn’t want even her to know that he was leaving, much less where he was going. 

Justin hadn’t had any thoughts as to where he wanted to go, so, plopping down in front of his computer, he had punched ‘moving’ into Goggle. In disinterest, he clicked on links, not really paying attention, just doing what the sites were telling him. Before he knew it, he had applied for an apartment in the Art Deco District in Miami, Florida. After he completed the application, the recognition of the location of the apartment dawned on him. For a second Justin considered that it was ironic that an artist was moving to an art deco district without having thought about it first, but he quickly shrugged it off. 

Now that he was here, he wasn’t any more excited than he had been then. As he hailed a taxi he sighed, wondering if he would ever feel anything besides the all-encompassing agony that he had been in since his last night in Pittsburgh. After giving the address of his new apartment to the driver, Justin laid his head against the window and stared listlessly at the rapidly passing scenery. 

 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

 

Brian heaved a sigh as he hung up the phone. He had just finished his weekly call with Justin's mother and, once again, neither of them had news for the other. When Justin had first returned to New York Brian had hoped that after a couple of days or weeks Justin would finally relent and answer his call. He knew that Justin was wounded and irate, rightfully so, but had hoped that, with time, the other man would at least be able to talk to him. 

Finally, after about two weeks of unanswered calls, Brian called yet again, only to hear a recording tell him that the number was disconnected. He pulled the telephone away from his ear with a perplexed look and shrugged as he hung the phone up and dialed again, this time punching in the numbers slowly to make certain that he had dialed all the numbers correctly. When the same message echoed through his head, Brian felt his heart plummet. 

Immediately, he slammed his finger against the disconnect button and dialed a number that he had memorized a long time ago, although he knew no one would fathom that.

“Hello?” the voice came across the line seconds later.

“His phone is disconnected.” Brian shot out, ignoring all pleasantries. 

“What…” Jennifer started to inquire before Brian's word dawned on her. “Disconnected?” she echoed. Had it been anyone else she would have asked if they were sure they had dialed the correct number, but knowing Brian as well as she did after all this time, she knew he had checked.

“So I gather he didn’t say anything to you.” He stated, and although it might have sounded like a question, they both knew it wasn’t.

“No, he still hasn’t been answering my calls either.”

“Fuck!”

“Have you tried Daphne?” 

Brian cringed at the sound of the girl’s name. The thought of calling her about this hadn’t dawned on him since he knew that she would be the last person Justin would call, especially to confide in, but Jennifer didn’t know that. Brian hadn’t had the heart, Hell, the guts, to tell her what had happened and, after a while, she had stopped asking. “No, I didn’t.” he answered reluctantly. 

“Okay, I’ll call her and call you right back.” Jennifer informed him, thinking that she had just been Brian's first call and not that he already knew Daphne would not know where Justin was.

“Okay.” Brian answered, not being able to protest because before *that* night the first place to look for Justin, if he wasn’t with Brian himself, would have been Daphne’s. 

That had been the last new information that he had gotten on Justin and having those conversations with Jennifer every week were endlessly painful. Brian shook his head and grabbed his things; he didn’t know what he was doing most of the time. Cynthia had put together a day planner for him, and most of the time he just followed that, doing nothing more than what was absolutely necessary. He spent a vast majority of every day in a fog and sometimes he couldn’t figure out how he actually pulled anything off. 

The only things that he had added to his new, almost minute-to-minute planner where things like what he had to go to currently. He relied on Cynthia quite a bit, but he had always hated having his personal and business lives intersect and, in this case, he fought hard against it. He knew, because of the way that Cynthia was, he couldn’t be sure that she didn’t know what was going on in his personal life, but he had done everything he could to keep it from her, from everyone.

Twenty minutes later Brian pulled to a stop, leaving the engine running as he waited for his passenger to get in. Once the other door shut again he pulled back into traffic without a word. These rides never had much conversation, as both the occupants wished away everything that was going on. Stopped at a red light, Brian finally turned towards his companion. The overwhelming silence had finally gotten to him and he knew that, as much as he wanted to ignore everything, there were some things that had to be done, bought, planned for, and they couldn’t do it if they never spoke to each other. The problem was the moment he opened his mouth, he flashed back to when he had finally told what he had discovered.

 

~~~~~~~~~~

Flashback

Brian hung up the phone once again. He had just woken up and his first thought was of Justin, so he tried to reach him, yet again. When Justin didn’t answer he got up and started going about his morning routine, he didn’t even want to move but he knew he had no choice. As he stood under the pounding, pulsating water in the shower the memory of the condom he had found on the floor the day before flashed through his mind. He knew he had to tell Daphne and that no matter how much he wanted to ignore everything until he could get Justin to talk to him, he had to tell her, as soon as possible. 

Once he was fully dressed Brian considered whether he should call Daphne or just head over to her apartment. He cringed when he thought about her being in the loft again; he just couldn’t stomach the thought of her being there after what had occurred last time they had been there together, so as he ambled out the door he steeled himself to call her. He knew just showing up wouldn’t be fair, because he figured she had to be feeling at least a little bit of what he was, so he didn’t think that catching her off guard and then dropping the bomb he had to tell her would be very nice. Not that he worried about being pleasant, he just knew this situation was one in which he shouldn’t push.

After he figured out what it was he was going to do, he reluctantly dialed Daphne’s number and when she picked up he could hear the astonishment and sorrow in her voice. Brian figured that hearing his voice was tantamount to what he felt hearing her’s, so he understood and quietly asked her to meet him at a restaurant he knew would be private but more businesslike than most casual lunches. He needed a place that would be quiet so he could inform her, but at the same time, gave an armor that the professional feeling of the place would allow him.

Brian had already been seated for almost fifteen minutes when Daphne finally showed up. He had started to worry that she wasn’t going to join him, even though she had said that she would be there. When she sat down they gave each other a stilted nod, more uncomfortable than either of them had been in their entire lives. The waiter came with menus and they each ordered immediately, both for something to do and to bring this encounter to a close quicker. 

Ten minutes later their food arrived and Brian had still not worked up what he was going to say or, at least, how to say it. He had thought a lot about the subject and worried that his reluctance to say it had something to do with the fact that he was sure it was true. Somehow he knew that, because they had done something horrible, some higher power would now make them pay for it, twofold. Because, on the off-chance that Justin could ever forgive them for what they had done, he would never been able to forgive the repercussions of it. 

“Damn it, Brian. Just tell me!” Daphne finally broke the silence. “Have you heard from Justin?” she guessed hopefully. 

“No,” Brian replied irritably. “It’s just the other night…well, really, after the other night…”

“Yes?” Daphne prompted, worried, not only because she didn’t want to even think about the night she knew he was talking about, much less talk about it, but also because hearing Brian sound so unsure was shaking her to the core. She knew through things that Justin had told her and things that Brian had allowed her to see that he wasn’t the tough guy he pretended to be most of the time. But the way he was acting now was completely out of character. She wished, for the millionth time since she had watched the cab carrying Justin fade into the distance, that she could call her best friend so he could make it right, as he had done countless times in their lifetime. 

“The condom…” Brian pushed out in a whisper. “It was broken when I found it.”

“I…I…oh God!” Daphne whimpered. “I can’t be?!?!” she begged Brian to fix it with her eyes, her tone, her whole being screamed it.

“I made an appointment.”

“When?” Daphne droned, glad that Brian was taking care of this shit. She couldn’t think, much less do what needed to be done.

“It’s in about a half an hour from now.” Brian answered, looking at his watch. He was glad Daphne was going along with him on this, because *this* he could do. He could organize and deal with problems. It also helped keep his mind off Justin, a little, and gave him something other than the possibility…Brian shook his head, determined not to think about that until…unless the doctor confirmed it.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Two hours later, two people walked out of a clinic, and went to their separate cars , both laid their heads on their steering wheels and cried. They had a week to wait for all the results to come back, as they had gotten every test needed, ones for every STD, as well as pregnancy. Neither of them knew anything other than the fact that they were both sure their lives just took another turn for the worse.


	5. Dealing

 

 

“I have some outstanding news for you guys. All the STD tests came back negative. Now, you will have to retest for HIV but I believe that your threat is minimal.” The doctor announced when he entered the room. Brian and Daphne appeared very nervous, but he was used to that with his patients and he was delighted when he could dispel their fears like this. The doctor’s brow crinkled when the two people didn’t look any less anxious and continued to stare at him expectantly. He glanced down at the chart and wondered what he had missed when he saw another test. He normally only dealt with STD tests so he had initially overlooked the other one.

“And?” Brian demanded when the doctor didn’t immediately tell them what they wanted to know.

“And I guess congratulations are in order. You’re pregnant.” The doctor declared as positively as he could. However, for some reason he had a feeling that this wasn’t what the couple wanted to hear.

Instantaneously, Daphne started to cry, immense heart-wrenching sobs that made the doctor ache to hold her and tell her everything was going to be alright. He spared a glance at the man, who looked just as devastated, but the doctor felt like glaring at him when he made no move to comfort the distraught young woman.

“Oh God, I’m sorry, Justin.” Daphne moaned through her emotional agony.

“Don’t say his name…especially not here!” Brian hissed at her, flames shooting from his eyes.

“Now, there’s no need…” The doctor started to protest Brian's demonstration of rage, but a harsh glare from the man stopped his words.

“I just can’t believe this is happening.” Daphne bemoaned. Brian just lifted an eyebrow at her words, having already gone back to not looking at her.

“Well, you do have options.” The doctor assured the miserable young lady.

“Options.” The other occupants of the room echoed in tandem, a million thoughts centering on that one utterance racing through their minds, and as the same one seemed to collide simultaneously, they turned mistrusting eyes on each other.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Justin opened the door to his new apartment, hoping that it looked suitable, knowing how deceptive ads could be. He gazed around, taking in the ample space and sparse furniture. The residence held, literally, only the bare essentials in terms of furniture. Justin internally shrugged, not having the energy to care much. He knew when he finally pulled himself out of this funk he would have to do something about it, but at that moment, all he wanted was to crawl in bed again.

Justin looked around at the bags he had dropped and grabbed the one that held his bedding. He didn’t have the strength to continue today, so he would just sleep until he felt like he could drag himself up again. As he made the bed, everything that was essential he do to set up his life here flowed through his mind. All he lacked was the willpower, the determination to do it…to do anything. He knew he couldn’t continue in this fog indefinitely but he had no motivation to pull himself out of it. Sleep was his escape, his cure-all. He knew it was a symptom of depression, but he couldn’t find it in himself to be concerned enough to do something about it.

~~~~~~~~~~  
As soon as they two of them left the doctor’s office, they bypassed their vehicles and walked side-by-side down the busy central street. They were both drowning in their own thoughts and once again didn’t know what to say to one another. Each was sure that the other was going to attempt to insist on terminating the pregnancy, and just the thought was adding to their inner turmoil.

Daphne’s stomach spun and she placed her hand over the still flat surface silently vowing, ‘no matter what he says I will not allow someone to kill you.’ She knew that she wasn’t ready to be a mother in any way, shape or form but she had never believed in abortion and she was even more against it now that it was her offspring in question. Her thoughts were hectic, but she would remain steadfast for the life of her child.

Brian's head pounded so severely that, for a moment, he wondered if he had gone on a bender that no one had informed him of, but as he reached up to pinch the bridge of his nose to alleviate the pressure, out of the corner of his eye he caught Daphne’s hand move to cover her abdomen. If this situation had arisen before he had Gus, chances are that he wouldn’t have cared as much about Daphne wanting an abortion. However, Gus did exist, he had become a father and there was no way he could allow a child of his to be killed. The conception of the baby may have been a mistake and he may have lost his heart and soul when Justin had walked out, but that wasn’t the baby’s fault and there was no way that he would allow his son or daughter to pay for that. He just had no idea what he could do to stop it from happening. He knew that the courts favored Daphne’s right to do what she wanted to with her own body, so he knew he wouldn’t get any help from there. With another quick glance down at the stomach within which his child rested, Brian knew he would have to do something, even if he had no idea what.

“I can’t have this baby.” Daphne whispered, unknowing that her voice had even escaped. She kept walking, not aware that her words had stopped Brian in his tracks.

Brian had heard the words loud and clear, as if she had yelled them from the rooftops, instead of whispering them under her breath, and knew that he couldn’t allow her to even contemplate ending his child’s life for even a second more. “You can’t do it.” Brian protested loudly.

Daphne stopped and looked back at Brian, irate that he thought he could force her to kill her child. “Can’t do what? It’s my body Brian and I will do what I want.” She screamed, not caring that everyone around them was able to hear her.

“But it’s my child, too!” Brian bellowed, feeling the vein in his head throbbing.

“And?” Daphne hissed back, squaring her shoulders, ready to (do) battle for the life of her son or daughter.

“And I won’t let you kill my child because he or she is an inconvenience for you.” Brian growled driving himself up to his full height and towering over the much smaller girl. If he had been thinking rationally he would have been appalled that he was using even an implied threat of violence against someone so much smaller than he was, but all he could think about at that moment was saving the life of his child.

“You won’t let me…” Daphne started screaming, but then, as what Brian had said dawned on her, she trailed off.

“I will do anything, Daphne. Just don’t fucking do this.” Brian tried to demand but it came out as a plea. Daphne could see how close he was to begging, but as she opened her mouth to tell him didn’t have to worry about it, to explain the misunderstanding, Brian continued his plea. “If it’s money, you know that isn’t a problem, I will pay for everything. Every doctor’s appointment, rent and anything else you need for the baby. I…” Daphne placed her hand over Brian’s mouth and stopped his rambling.

“I don’t know how we go to this level of misunderstanding, but I don’t believe in abortion.” Daphne assured him.

“Huh?” Brian questioned, but he could tell that she was telling the truth and relief flowed through him. “But then what were you talking about?”

“I can’t have a baby right now, Brian. I may not believe in killing a child, but I’m not ready to be a mother. I might want children at some point in the distant future, but there is no way I can deal with having one now.”

“But…” Brian trailed off, not knowing what to say to that. He could tell that Daphne was serious about this and wasn’t sure if he would be able to change her mind, so he didn’t know where to go from there. ‘Justin!’ he screamed in his mind, needing the person that he could always turn to, who always seemed to have the answers. He needed his best friend and at that moment there was no way he could have him. Brian was completely at a loss.

“I’m sorry, Brian.” Daphne whispered before walking away and Brian couldn’t do anything except watch her go.  



End file.
